Eveytin kew.

Ahh you guys know me. I'm a sucker and a glutton for punishment. I love the thrill of the wide nosed freaks that troll the internet/dating sites and delight when I have message in my inbox. Who knows what kind of message I'm going to open right? Most of them are pretty benign. Just your average 45-50 year old dude living in Apple Valley or Winnetka or some other place I ain't ever heard of, wanting to tell me I'm pretty and they'd love to take me on a long walk on the beach.... Gah. But sometimes I do just want to go out on a date. I have been talking to someone online, and we've been trying to get our shit together to get together lately so I've been active on my OKcupid profile. Which leads me to this little exchange. Beware. Awesomeness will ensue:

This is how it started. We went from "hello" to "everytin kew". I mean. I had to read the message 5 times outloud until I figured out what he was trying to say. Rather then ignore the message, I got kind of mad that I'd actually bothered to sound out these idiots jumble of words, so I responded:

I mean, I actually took time to try and figure out what this idiot was saying to me. But hey, fool me once, right? I got home on Friday night and was randomly checking my email when I got a notification I had a message from this suitor. This was his response:

"Idleheaded" has since removed his profile.

He couldn't handle it...

Whelp tickets. New year. New efforts.
So, let me start off by saying I've been turned off to the concept of online dating. Not only cause those guys are freaks with a capital F, but because I like to actually get out there, and see and touch the merchandise. You don't buy fruit online, you go to a store where you can look it over, feel it, touch it, smell it and decide if you wanna take it home with you.
Yes. I am comparing going to a bar and talking to guys to picking fruit.

I do maintain a couple of sites on the off chance someone might pique my interest, but I've been pretty blase about them.
Ewwwwwww. That is until this little gem presented itself to me via my email box, and it made me realize I need to get back to maintaining this blog.

I mean...Really?


There are a lot of things to say about this, so I'm not even going to go there. But I will say this, if you're going to boast having an 8" penis..can you at least be cute? Or not old?


Which also leads me to last Saturday when we went out. There was this kind of cute guy with a less cute guy who started talking to my sister. She invited them over to join us, and they turned out to be dicks. Well, the less cute one was a tad nicer, but that's cause he was less cute and is used to having to work a little harder. I wish I hadn't been so drunk, or else I would have taken a damn picture of the cuter guy to make fun of him. I mean..really Sugar Ray, you're a grown ass man wearing a god damn straw hat like you're in Panama? Turd.

Gentlemen of Los Angeles...watch out..I'm back.